Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in cairneldwin's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, May 27th, 2009
7:50 pm	To the Wilderness! My dear wife just got home from her annual bowling tournament, having driven to Reno, Nevada and back.  We ate dinner, she's unpacking, and I pack for my annual camping trip this coming weekend.  In one door, out the other! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 13th, 2009
8:40 pm	In Memory Of A friend and coworker passed away last weekend.  Blows big time.  Work week has been dragging by, as everyone notices that he's no longer there.  Memorial service on friday, and I hope to bury myself in projects this weekend to help get past it.  He was a good guy.  Generous, honest and encouraging, he will be missed.  He helped Lil and I out in WoW thanklessly, constantly giving even if we didn't ask.  At work, he almost suggested he would be disappointed if I didn't try out for that new position. I'm trying to locate some pictures of him on my camera and from within WoW to share at the wake, but I'm discovering that I don't have any.  *Sigh*. Current Mood: sad Current Music: Drummatica - Tangerine (Comment on this)
Friday, May 8th, 2009
8:44 pm	Opportunity      I had applied for a position at work which would have allowed me to flex my documentation ability.  I'd already done such tasks at Atlas, and have been contributing to our system here at the new place.  Figured it would be a good fit and that my penchant for completeness and efficiency, would be to the benefit of all those who rely on the documentation.  Rub in a small bit of technical experience, and you'd have quite the recipe for a tasty structure for supporting a customer base.       But I wasn't sure if this would be the best move for me.  Yes, I could do the work.  I could dominate the work.  I would pour into it with my usual zeal for doing my best.  But, where would this take me in the future?  I wasn't sure.       I contemplated for quite a while after casting my name in the hat, and rolling through the preliminary "try-outs," but I wasn't really sure.       My doubts were reinforced while speaking to enlightened minds.  Without naming names, or places, my thought processes knew that I would be more efficient elsewhere.      So I backed out gracefully from the running and waited.      I was greeted a while later with a new set of opportunities.  Each had the potential for bigger and better things.  I set my sights on the highest of the offerings, whilst raising my hand for the others as well.      First the character and knowledge test.  Next the interview.  A day of silent anticipation...      ....and I got the position.  Official duties and training begin on Monday.  High expectations, great rewards, project style work, and a bit of independence...everything I enjoy in a job.  I can bury myself in the tasks at hand, coming up for air and status reports.  My hours are changing extremes; pre-dawn hours move onto the last man out the door.  Fortunately, I have time to transition, as the training weeks move me towards a more sane-person's 7-4pm shift.        We'll see.  I'll wait anxiously through the weekend, wondering what knew knowledge I'll gather and put to good use.  I'll enjoy some quiet time in Castlewood Canyon on Saturday with dear friends and my wife.  Sunday, I will celebrate Mother's Day by watching Star Trek.  Come Monday, lets see what they can throw my way. (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 3rd, 2009
5:38 am	"...and the band dies again, as the lights come down!" I've taken my review from Sun Sky Stone (floatermusic.net) and brought it over here: The show was awesome!            My wife and arrived pretty early, and were going to kill time at the small coffee shop/bookstore around the corner from the entrance.  We turned the corner and I see the back of a guy's head, leaning up against the wall, fiddling with a phone.  I recognized the build, hair, and then side profile.      I gaped wide-eyed.       "Oh wow....uh wow, hi," I shook Rob's hand and he gave me a big smile.  He was waiting for the rest of the guys, and their family, to head off to dinner.  I shot the breeze about the tour, shared music favs, and eventually Dave and Pete walked up.  I got out my original copy of Angels in the Flesh/Devil in the Bone and had them sign it for me.  They shared that they'd be playing some cuts from an upcoming album and we wished them best of luck on this turnout.  Then off they went to Swing Thai for dinner, down the block.      Visited with the Floater fans who have crawled out from the rocks and have traveled from far.  I saw a license plate of an Oregonian, another family of mother and sons arrived from a straight drive from Illinois.  There was another group of friends from Kansas.  We all shared stories of how we first heard of Floater and reveled in this opportunity to finally see em here in Denver.      The opening band Katalyst (www.myspace.com/katalyst) was very good.  I dug their instrumental segments, with meandering rhythm, dark Tool-esque undertones, and mellow chill sounds.  They covered a 60 min segment with several driving songs, some light-hearted slower tunes, all groovable to.      Floater took the stage and rocked hard.  They played a setlist, that would be ideal for new ears, with The Sad Ballad of Danny Boy, Mexican Bus, Ghost in the Making, Zero Hour, and American Theatric.  I think there were 3 new cuts in there, but sometimes it's hard to tell, cause there can be a lot of improvisation added to and in between old songs.  I didn't get my hands on a set list, so I can't tell you what exactly was all there.  I was very thankful they played Endless II; Endless I is my favourite song, and II gives you that extra elaboration on I.       All things considered, I thought it was a decent turnout, for as far east as they came.  Lots of people dragged new listeners with them.  I tried my hand at a few friends and coworkers, but they unfortunately could not make it.  Overall, I'm hoping there was enough to justify a return this direction in the future.  I'm extremely grateful that they came out, I can say they've made a very very happy fan wishes come true.       I didn't take my camera, as I was worried about getting it snagged or busted while jostling in a crowd.  Fortunately, there was another guy who brought his pro camera, and will be sending over the pics to me.  I have his permission to post them once they arrive in my inbox.      I'm going to go now.  My neck and back are killing me from cutting lose up in the front.  Just gonna sit here and finish off these Katalyst albums I picked up.      All the pics are located here, courtesy of Monte Morgan over at Artistic ImpRessions Photography (www.artisticimpressions-air.com): http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=467728515&albumId=702982 I can't thank him enough for being so generous with letting me post his pictures on the forum and in the blog.  Really nice guy and some really good work! Addendum:      So it's Sunday now.  I'm still coming down off the buzz that was Tuesday night.  My neck has dropped to a dull ache, soon to go away.  I'm still making myself believe that it was all real, and that I got to speak to Dave, Rob, and Pete.  I'm still hoping that there gets to be a second run at a future tour coming to Denver again.   I am so very very VERY thankful that they came this far out, as I'm sure it's not an easy thing to pull off for a small band. Sigh       Here's to hoping for the future *raises glass* Current Mood: happy Current Music: Floater - Last Time (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
4:58 pm	I am fucking stoked!!! Floater is coming to Colorado on April 28th!!! http://www.floater.com/ will be at the Oriental Theatre 4335 West 44th Ave Denver, CO 80212 $10 8:00pm MST FUCKING WOOT!!!  I will be there, no questions asked.  May take the following Wednesday off if I can just to cope with it being such a late night. Current Mood: ecstatic (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 5th, 2009
5:58 am	The thing that woke me up this morning.      I had a very vivid dream of going back home, but in the past. As if I went back in time to when I had been a young young child, and I was visiting as myself from today. A time-traveler, if you will.      It started somewhere near my old friend "N's" house and I began walking south on Lake Boulevard. A dream facsimile of my wife was there. She was anxious to get to my childhood home to see it. I walked past reconstructed pieces of homes, in whatever form that I could remember them. A familiar mobile home here. That dog at the corner house of Duval Drive and Lake Boulevard that was always tethered in the front yard. The baseball diamond with the big backstop in the northwest corner of the Toyon Elementary school yard, with ajoined soccer field and the building that butted up against them. It was all there, and noticed in as much detail as my memory would seem to allow.      We turned west up Duval, again still on foot, and the "Lili Copy" anxious to get to my home. I say that it wasn't quite my wife, because she too was pieced together from bits of reality. I couldn't focus on her, but I just knew it was her walking with me.      For a change, I didn't walk all the way up that winding hill road to my house. Often in my dreams, I would pass over the bridge at the bottom of the hill, make the first sweep of the road to the right, then the cutback to the left, then the turn to the right near "R's house" then there it would be. I've never driven up this hill. Only walked, and occasionally cycled up it. This time, I seemed to fast-forward to just outside of home.      A vivid person appeared in my neighbours yard. It WAS my neighbor "K." She was walking out of the front door of her trailer (their property had a trailer on it when we first moved in next door). But her trailer took on aspects of the home her family built there, from the ground up, many years later. Inside I could hear music, and "C" inside jamming on his electric guitar to the sound, in that quiet way of his. K was grooving, blowing out a lazy ring of smoke, fed by the joint in her right hand as she danced slowly to the music. I exchanged no words with her.      Again my wife prods me in anticipation to go inside of the house.      I go to a door that led to our old kitchen (this door didn't exist in real life). My home too is an amalagation of both my 17745 Duval Drive home, and oddly enough, the brown house at the top of the hill. This had been our first home on the street when we moved to Summit City, CA. I remember more aspects of it, from when my best friend "T" moved into it. But for whatever reason, the "dream" Duval house seems share pieces with the home at the top of the hill. I still open this kitchen door without thinking twice about it.      The living room and kitchen are one big room, again matching the motif of the brown house. Dark brown wood panelling, a lighter brown carpet. Still doesn't bring any questions to mind. Still enough familiarity for me to say "this was home." I was compelled to go into what was my old bedroom. In real life, it was the room down the hall, last door on the left. That was my childhood room, before I took the master bedroom, when my parents moved into the converted garage-bedroom.      Up till now, I've felt aloof of the entire situation. Sometimes in these homecoming dreams, I'm aware that I'm just visiting home, and am cognisant that I'm only there in a dream, because so much feels out of place. This time, I was just there and accepting it. Nevertheless, I felt completely detached this time around from everything.      Until I walked into the bedroom.      It didn't feel like my bedroom though, cause there were lots of things scattered about and I don't remember being a slob; an organized chaos sort of guy, but never just haphazardly strewn about clothes, books, and odds and ends. Again, there were just enough things to make it stand out as definately being my room.      At the foot of the mattress was a chest (I don't remember having a chest there). And on it was a shape under a thin light brown bedsheet. I think it was my old football bedsheets which I seem to remember having a light tan colour to them.      As I approached the lump under the bedsheet, I saw the unmistakeable movement of a tail wagging. I quickly threw back the sheet and my childhood dog Rusty was there. I quickly picked him up and held him in my arms. He was wagging his tail still, and frantically wiggling in that excited dog sort of way. I just held him tightly.      And I cried.      I cried so hard with joy. It was such a profound feeling, especially having felt completely detached from anything in the dream so far. I continued to squeeze him and I kept crying.      Then I woke up. And I was crying. It turned to a sobbing and what I can only describe as a lonely and longing cry. Tears streaming down my face, I sat up gathering my bearings in my room. Despite myself, I kept on, until I heard Lili stir behind me. She asked me with fear in her voice "What was wrong?" And I lost it. My body shook with chest heaving sobs. In between breaths, I did my best to quickly explain that I had dreamt of my dog and she held me for several minutes while I let it out.       I'm not sure what spurned such an emotional reaction to the situation and to this dream. Don't get me wrong, when I think of the little guy, feel heavy-hearted, and force a brave smile to my face, in my attempt to stop thinking about him. But the dream truly triggered something. Analysis:      I've often stated that I hate thinking of home. Anyone who's ever asked about my childhood, or even lead a conversation where it could be brought up, will know that I steer away from it. It pains me to think of the circumstances. When I stop and think on why I let it affect me so much, I've always chalked it up to remembering the things I hated, and missing the things that I loved. You know, that whole life happening and moving on bit.       But with this dream I think I've identified something new: I'm angry that I lack (lacked?) the control to have changed the things that happened back then. Especially the negative things. It's one of the classic tragedian concepts; Oedipus trying to control everything and succumbing to the very prophecy he was born under. Lucifer in Paradise Lost having failed in his attempts at controlling Heaven. Anakin Skywalker trying become all-powerful because he couldn't accept that he couldn't control everything around him, including preventing the death of loved ones.           I too, harbour these ambitions to stay in control.      I've been angry at the fact that there is so much beyond my control.      I've been angry that I've been affected by so much of this lack of control.      Despite my personal recognition that this is a losing battle, apparently it's still taking root in my mind, subconscious, memories, logic, or wherever it is in my brain that's thinking about this. I understand that many things will happen beyond my ability to control, but apparently deep down, I haven't accepted it.       A theory is no good, if you don't have proofs you can point at. So after I had calmed down, I started to test this theory with circumstances and events in my life. Here are things I feel could be related:       -Rusty, my old dog, died sometime around the end of high-school, or early college (I don't remember which). I rememeber hating the fact that he had to be put down. I understood then, as I do now, that he was sick, and he couldn't keep down food, and he was suffering, and I agreed that it was best for him, but whenever I think about the guy, it tears me up inside.       -At a homecoming party with some friends, I had stayed seated while having a few drinks. I've never felt the urge to get smashed or anything, but I decided to have a few more than usual because I felt safe, we weren't going anywhere, and we'd be crashing on the floor at that house. I got up to go to the bathroom and the world began to spin. The specific moment was wrestling with the sliding glass door handle. My mind was completely aware of how to manipulate the door handle, but I couldn't get my hands to respond. I had lost bodily control. To put it bluntly, that scared the shit out of me.       -Moving various places. We moved to Magalia, CA from Shasta Lake (Old Summit City), CA and I went kicking and screaming. I had no choice. I was taken from comfort and the familiar. I was depressed and angry for quite some time. In hindsight, I recognized many years later, I learned some valuable life lessons about independancy, creating new social circles and extending my boundaries and losing inhibitions. But at the time, I resented every moment of that life that was taken from me. Of course I got what I wanted when we moved back home about 1 1/2 years later.      -Then there was the Colorado move. I wasn't outwardly rebelling at this point, although I was very upset to be changing scenery yet again. I was still fresh out of high-school, had a part-time job that paid dick, and there was no way I could afford rent to stay out there on my own. I had even deluded myself into attempting to stay, but it was a panicked and hasty move that fortunately had been shot down by my dad who talked some sense into me. I said my goodbyes quietly and left Shasta Lake, then Redding, then the "Golden Circle," then California altogether with a heavy heart.      -Once in Colorado, I lived away from my parents in my Grandmother's house. A different form of rule existed here, and I had to play by those rules. Mind you, these weren't curfew or youth rules, these were Controlling rules. You do everything "Grandma's" way, because as far as she's concerned, there are no other ways (it's such a lovely family trait that's been passed on between the generations; 'the urge to control'). A combination of depression and loneliness, then circumstances around meeting Lili, and then the associated "sleepover" event drove me out of that house finally.      -Around the time that Dad had moved ahead to Colorado, before Mom and I followed, began the separation I've felt with my parents. Mom and I stayed close, because we only had each other during that time. After we moved to Colorado, they lived an hour away up into the hills with my Uncle's family, and they felt miles away. Visiting them there felt chaotic because we were never alone and things in that house seemed to always be tumultuous. Then mom and dad moved an hour (hour and a half or more in traffic) north to Broomfield. Then again about hour and a half to two hours east to Byers.        I'd grown up centered around my parents, for better or worse, they were my caring ear, they were my sounding board, they were my disciplinarians, they were my guidance, and they were my friends. And with seemingly regular frequency, they keep moving farther and farther away. I'm not a phone person, I hate driving long distance, and my parents have lives that don't allow them to sit on IM all day. I like to be WITH the people I respect and love.       -And without getting into the dead bloodied horse laying lifeless on the ground. I've felt I've lost a lot of commonality with my parents. A large part of that would be their recent conversion to the faith. I just can't see eye to eye on that. I will always respect ANY individuals right to believe in whatever they want, and I will never judge on it. I just can't get on board.            It's become such a visibly major part of their life, I feel as though there's no getting around it sometimes. I do not hate them for it. I do not disapprove of their decisions. That's not my place. But it doesn't make me feel comfortable being around the "blessing" this, and "Jesus" that, and "my Father" stuff. I feel as though my conversations with them have become hollow, seeking small solace in personal movie reviews and watching movie trailers, Star Trek conversations and technology fetishes. I feel like I'm crossing the line if anything approaches or comes close to the discussion of theology, and my lack of belief thereof. I miss the absense fear of bringing up subjects that could be sensitive or taboo, in my personal attempts at not hurting anyone's feelings.  I miss being able to be honest with them.      I would LOVE to share the fact with them that I'm currently reading and enjoying Neil Gaiman's "American Gods," but I fear that I'd open another uncomfortable can of proverbial worms, even though so far, it hasn't even addressed the Christian god yet (if it will at all), and it certainly more metaphorical, than literal. I want to talk about The Watchmen (original comic or movie) but it's not exactly the most positive story conversation, and I don't think that it's their bag anymore. Dad had borrowed my Watchmen comic and never finished it, which is fine, but I used to feel I could share these things with them. Now I feel like a large something is missing. I want my old mom and dad back again.       -I wanted to rip that son-of-a-bitch out of his BMW in the Noodles and Company parking lot, for ignoring the pedestrians and speeding up, so he didn't have to stop for Lili and I walking across the road. I wanted to take that self-centered prick and beat the fuck out of him and have him confess to why he felt so rushed, so uncaring, or so impatient that he couldn't let some pedestrians walk across the road. When he looked at me in the mirror, I spat on the ground in his direction. I think the meaning is lost in today's American culture, but in a moment of uncharacteristic brashness, I felt it was appropriate.       Analyzing these few situations which come to mind tell me this: I seek control of my surroundings.       In every situation, they all represent times when I felt out of control. Rusty died, and there was nothing I can do about that. Through personal choice, I drank enough to lose some bodily control that I took for granted. I was moved twice against my will, with no real option to do anything about it. I seek to have the familiar brought back, although it's foolish and selfish to believe that I can just get what I want. I wanted to impose my will on the BMW driver in the parking lot. Control is such a selfish thing.       I've read the stories of the fallen who wished to have it all. I've seen the very concept of controlling everything fail in personal, social, and business situations, for both myself and for others. I know it's a losing battle.      So why do I seek it? How do I rid myself of these ambitions that appear to be harboured within me?       I don't have the answer. Obviously telling myself to not believe or act this way hasn't worked. It's been welling up inside enough to come bubbling to the surface in my dreams and in daily thought (to varying degrees).       I don't have the answer. But I want the answer, so I may address it. Hell, is that my wish for control kicking in again? Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: The Music of a PC's Hum (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, February 27th, 2009
3:21 pm	My Dog Hurts Last night, after I had already gone to bed, Oran (our puppy) yelped. The first one didn't wake me, but it wasn't until Lili tried picking him up that he did it again. She laid him on the bed and started to screech. This brought me wide awake and we proceeded to figure out what was wrong with him. My first instinct was there was something wrong with his leg, hip, or foot cause he seemed to be favouring it, and everytime I touched it he would yelp. I was thinking something was sprained or possibly fractured. He continues to yelp, even when I did touch him, and he wasn't exactly putting weight on the leg/foot so now I'm not so sure what's going on. Lili and I put our heads together and discuss taking him to an after-hours emergency vet to figure out what's hurting the little guy. She walks out of the room, and he sees her leaving, so he gets up, jumps off the bed and trots after her. Now we're dumbstruck. I get the rest of the way out of bed, and head out to sit on the floor in the living room. I call him over and he comes right over to me in his usual happy way. I'm thinking to myself, "what the fuck?" Since he appears to be ok now, we put him up on the bed, thinking we'll take him to the vet tomorrow. He reaches down to chew on his foot, then bam, he really starts screeching again and starts to shake. Again, I start feeling around on him trying to figure out what's hurting him. When I touched a spot on his back, he turned around to sniff me (his lower back has that spot that dogs kick their foot at when you scratch it). The moment he turned, I watched his whole body stiffen and he started to yelp again. It was something in his back. Lili volunteered to take him to the vet, so I could get back to sleep. After she left, I couldn't cause all I could think about was him. She got home, and she said she had some medicine to give him, but in my drowsiness I didn't hear anymore. So today, I called her during lunch to find out what had happened. Oran was diagnosed with Intervertebral Disc Disease. It's basically a herniation of a disc in his vertebrae (the disc is slipping out from between the vertebrae) and is compressing the spinal cord causing pain and numbness in legs. This may very well what has caused him to suddenly lift a rear paw in the air as he walks all these years (anyone who's seen him knows we always thought it was him trying to itch his ear while walking). From what the vet says, it's in his neck, and he's showing the symptoms of the very earliest stages of the disease, and there's a good chance that with muscle-relaxants and a few other pills, it can coax it to fall back in place. If it decides to get worse, surgery would be required. We need to keep him calm and prevent him from jumping around onto furniture and let the pills do their magic for a month. Then he'll be taken back in to determine how well he's progressed. I came home today, and you could seem him testing his limits after getting up on the couch. You could see him carefully stretching and shaking as he got too close to that painful spot. After he'd limbered up he was acting like his normal spunky self, and I did my best to calm him down. I gave him his first set of pills. Lili said she had difficulty giving them to him this morning cause he wouldn't take it unless she forced it down. I stopped and picked up hot dogs and tried stuffing half a pill into small ends of sausage; no dice. He chewed gently, slowly working each pill out until he could eat the hot dog without the bad tasting white lump. Next, I tried peanut butter. He ate that shit up quick like, so I coated those halves very lightly and scraped the coated pill onto his tooth. He nom nom nom'd that like a champ and seemed to like it. So looks like we don't have to wrangle him to eat it. I've read up on what he's going through and trying to stay positive. I put on a brave face at work, although my thoughts were on the little guy all day. I hate seeing animals in pain, especially this little guy who's family, as far as we're concerned. It breaks my heart. I'm hoping that keeping him mellow and on his medication will do the trick for him. Just the pills and visit last night set us back several hundred dollars, which we'll have to budget for now. I'm really hoping it doesn't go to surgery just cause...well, yeah. Enough of that talk. I'm going to cuddle with my puppy. Current Mood: melancholy (Comment on this)
Monday, February 23rd, 2009
7:29 pm	Proposed Texas Plans (Per Post on Wehmuth's Entry) Details as of today: 1. I plan on flying out Friday afternoon straight after work. Coworker will drop me off with Carry-On in hand then off to rental car to Waco. Prob will arrive in town around 8-9pm based on flights arriving in town. (Still waiting to purchase tickets, waiting for electronic deposit of my tax return). 2. Will spend all day for wedding and stay in Waco that night again. Entertainment will ensue that day. BTW, I plan on being ampped up on RedBulls and am willing to not sleep properly to provide more time. 3. Sunday I'll prob drive up late morning (post-breakfast) back up to Dallas. Want to swing around have lunch with buddy in Texas (whom I missed during last visit to Ft. Worth/Dallas last summer), then off on 4-5pm flight back home. Can't take too much time I'm afraid as I've not accrued a huge amount of PTO just yet. But will make the most of it. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 17th, 2009
7:15 pm	I'm Alive I'm well, I'm happy, I'm busy. Will post substance later. Putting together coin for possible Texas trip to see Jernau's wedding. Work is handing me projects (yea!) My wife goes back in for what should be the visit that should make her feel better again. Woot! K bai (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
3:29 pm	LOL Shared goodies from work. The IT Crowd - OMG this show is hilarious. I started with clips and now have graduated to full episodes on YouTube. I hope they release these properly state-side, cause I will pick up this DvD. Absolutely brilliant! Spaced - Finished the series again, *sigh* more please John Heffron - The Advice Skit Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog - Haven't finished this one; gotta introduce it to Lil. The musical part is catchy and the comedy subtle. That's it, just sharing with everyone Current Mood: amused Current Music: Roy yelling at Moss to come join the stress meeting (Comment on this)
Friday, January 30th, 2009
3:36 am	Don't go to bed angry I had a slew of bad dreams last night, all over a work email I happened to read after I got home. I woke up several times last night, all because it bugged me so. Lots revolved around driving mom and dad's Winnebago to work, of all places, and for whatever reason. Like other dreams: 1. The stick shift was in a position that made if difficult to reach and/or manipulate. 2. The brakes stopped working when depressed 3. Someone would climb into the Winnebago and I'd have to forcibly remove them, since hurling explicatives at them wouldn't do the trick. Why the hell were they getting in in the first place. 4. I was late to work; in the dream I was supposed to be there at 4:30am like in RL, but in the dream, it was close approaching 7:00am, meaning not only was I stupid amounts of late, but I hadn't called to say I was going to be late, which meant another mound of crap to deal with. 5. At one point, I inexplicably had left the Winnebago and ended up in my pickup truck, which at one point, I was driving backwards down the highway, which rational thought in the dream was "How the hell did that happen?" Odd though, my wife was in this one, and she was a calming factor. Never had her, (or a calming factor for that matter) in a dream before. It wasn't until she showed up that I think the string of dreams finally ended. I'll have to thank her for that in the morning when I see her. I understand what made me react this way. I need to address the email I received, since it obviously disturbed me the way it did. I don't like being "taught a lesson" in front of others, I don't think there's a place for it. If something is to be rectified, you should be taken aside, and not be made an example, unless the person being punished agrees that he/she would agree with allowing others to learn from his/her mistake. A simple chat to rectify the situation would have sufficed, but yet again, the superiors were CC:d in the email and now I feel like I've been red flagged again. *Sigh*. I'll talk with someone I trust at work and see what he thinks on the matter. (Comment on this)
Friday, January 16th, 2009
5:49 pm	The U.S.S. Enterprise 1701 My gift for my Trekkie friend Rage is complete. Over a month of work poured into this thing, converting a non-lit model into a LED fest. It is by far the most difficult model I have ever done. I've learned a valuable lesson: Inspect the model before deciding to put lighting into it; this would have been especially important to have realized when lighting the nacelles. Imagine taking two perfect 2x4 pieces of lumber and sandwich them together. Then decide to run a 1/4" diameter piece of electrical conduit between them. That's how wiring the nacelles worked. Those pylons were tiny little things, no more than an 1/8" thick put together, and I had to carve a channel to allow wiring to get up into the nacelles. Also, I swear that I will NEVER do the NCC-1701 again. Maybe a 1701-A, -D, or -E, but never an Original Series Enterprise. With as thin as the neck and nacelle pylons are, they were brutal to attempt (notice the operable word: attempt) to keep straight. It's exactly the same as I remember it being when I made the ship as a kid; and that version was of a larger scale! Nevertheless, it was quite satisfying to see the final results. Powered by a 5.2v spare power supply, it took a total of six LEDs, plenty of wiring, some spare metal ball bearings to weigh down the custom base, which is made to look like the Starfleet logo. I used a frosting technique on the inside of the nacelle domes using sandpaper. The diffused light gives it a more even feel, with emphasis to lines within, suggesting moving parts. See clips of the original series to see what I mean. I used a small safety pin, heated via candle, and melted the windows by hand in the upper and lower saucer, neck, and body. I found out later a small handheld bit tool makes it easier and more accurate to do such detail work. I have since added one of those to the arsenal. In any case, without further ado, the pictures (click on the thumbnails to enlarge): The Bottom Saucer Half, after porting The Top Saucer Half, after porting The Completed Ship (not as many WIP pictures this time around I'm afraid) Lit Examples Current Mood: accomplished (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 31st, 2008
10:11 am	Christmas Past, New Years NOW! Christmas was quiet. Ate way too much food. Worked odd hours; Worked Mon, Tue, Wed, Off Thursday, Back at work on Friday, Off weekend. Friday felt like a monday and was dead on calls. This week is proving the same, with calls being slow on Tuesday, this morning has been quiet, but the day is young, the sun is rising, and things can still get messy :) S'ok, I'd rather be busy then fiddle with this wireless headset, which itches something fierce. Anyways, back in time. Christmas. I realized something, if hit that age that I always was amazed of as a kid. I received a new pair of slippers with a fuzzy lining and I was estatic! Then I realized, "OMG, the slippers were the high point!" Remember as a kid, you dreaded clothes and stuff, and a pair o' warm slippers are the greatest thing next to sliced bread. I may not truly care about my age, but even I was shocked at my blatant change in priorities. Gene's face lit up with the 1964 Shelby Cobra I made him. I lucked out and put the correct racing stripes and car number on the hood and sides. It was mostly clean, I wasn't happy with the decal work; considering my inexperience, at least I learned a few tricks in the process. Lil scored her Wii Fit which we've been hurting ourselves on. Geen was back in town, after graduating from CSU, but we stayed relatively tame compared to previous Christmas Eves. I was somewhat of a party-pooper and passed out on the spare bed; working an early shift and staying up late do not go together. (If a certain individual from work is reading this, I await your notation on my abuse of semi-colons!) Still toiling away on that Original Series NCC-1701 for Rage. I swear by the Gods: Triton, Dis, and Neptune, that I will NEVER make this bloody ship ever again. I made the Enterprise as a kid and was very upset with the nacelle supports and it came out somewhat twisted. This time around, I had the same issues again, albeit they're not as obvious. I'm also modding it for LED lighting, which is proving to be most difficult on such a small scale model. I've had to carve/gouge wiring tracks in narrow sections of plastic to wire everything up. I've also had to make a custom base to house the circuitry and wiring. It took both Lil's and my hands, plus a set of clips to set the saucer and nacelle assembly onto the lower-hull piece, as they all had to be set simultaneously cause of the wiring. Introduced 006 to the art of LAN gaming, kinda. Hauled the rig over to his parent's basement and we WoW'd side by side. He's hooked. Apparently the plan has been set for New Years to head over to his place and WoW it up with Lils, 006 and Mrs. 006 on WoW. Worried about their 50 cats, dog and child trying to get to components and cabling, but I'm sure we'll make due. Oh yeah, 006 and Mrs. 006 started WoW. It started with Mrs 006, then it was just fighing off 006's denial of wanting to play. Now they're hooked and neglecting life-chores like the rest of us :) Right now, Geen is doing the "pushes-up-glasses" emote, I'm sure. Wish my parents would call be back after Christmas. Still haven't gotten a hold of em to say "hullo" and thank em for that kick-ass set of slippers. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
10:10 am	The Gaming Extravaganza! Left 4 Dead Really digging this game. Survival horror with a nod to 28 Days Later, with fast moving zombies. Something quite disturbing about hearing a rush of them reacting to a car alarm you set off then seeing them flood the alley you ducked into. The banter and warnings shared between the survivors adds excellent flavour to the whole mix. "Hear that? Sounds like a hunter" "Incoming!" Throaty growls multiplied by dozens as the infected jostle each other for the right to kill the survivors first. A hunter leaps from an upper-balcony and pins Francis to the ground, struggling to reach flesh guarded by a shotgun shield. "Get it off of me," Francis cries as he struggles. Zoey turns her pistol on the hunter and places a round through its rotting brain. Louis continues to fire his rifle single-handed into the undead crowd and lifts Francis with his free-hand, "Get up, you're alright!" The lighting is great, I love watching the undead cast shadows on the wall as they round a corner, adding to the ambiance of the horror of the situation. Safehouses (mission checkpoints) have various salvaged maps and quarantine posters up on the wall. Various scribbles of family members and friends detailing what location they were heading next and apologizing that they left them behind. The sound adds tons, groans and cries of the infected, the wimpers of the Witch characters in the game, the chaos of unleashing lead rains upon the infected while they scream, claw, groan, and die at your feet. Multi-player definately adds a whole new element missing in the single-player experience. Using built-in voice chat to hastily assemble defensive strategies before a rush of zombies accost you on the hospital stairs helps make the difference between surviving or losing a party member. In versus mode, the survivors play a campaign level, while other players spawn as the undead boss characters and try to bring the party down. Learning where to spawn as an infected becomes an art form of setting and springing traps on the overwhelmed survivor characters. Learning how to either knock survivors off of rooftops or spreading Boomer bile on entrenched survivors can be quite challenging and very rewarding when you successfully bring one of them down. AI is adaptive and relatively solid. I've only seen a few hiccups, such as the undead AI scaling a car or barricade they could have just kept going straight around, or party members stuck looking for a threat that hasn't actually triggered yet (ala the Sewer Level). Overall, the teammates are intelligent enough to hit their targets and do their fair share of the work. They don't waste medkits, and they make it a priority to pick you up, or another fallen teammate, as soon as they're able to fight their way to you. The zombie AI is unforgiving, although detection can be spotty. How can setting a car alarm off attract them, but firing rounds at a few stumbling zombies doesn't? Weapons are standard fare; Uzi, Hunting Rifle with Scope, Shotgun, M16 Rifle, and I think it's a Colt 45; things that could logically be scavenged from gun shops or abandoned policy stations during the outbreak. There's also molotov cocktails and improvised pipe bombs with a blinking light and beeping sound that will attract the hordes to it before setting off. Solid play, fun and rewarding, I definitely recommend it. Farcry 2: Basics out of the way. Sandbox game style, approx 20 square miles of terrain. Based in Africa, trying to take out a naughty arms dealer, whilst surviving the civil war that's starting when you arrive. Graphics are absolutely stunning. Shadows are particularly well done, adding realism with the light creeping in between the treetops and cliff walls looking somewhat photo realistic. Lighting with sunrises and sunsets are gorgeous, with the atmospheric haze from smoke creating perfect opportunities for screenshots. Textures are top notch, adding wood-grain, scratched and pitted metal surfaces, and facial and skin details. The gameplay is sandbox in the purist sense. After you leave the tutorial section of the game, the reins are cut and you're free to travel wherever and do whatever you like. This can be good and bad. Heading off to pick a fight with a random crossroads checkpoint, but you gain a sense of "why the heck am I wandering in this war-torn land?" There are various missions you can pick up from weapons dealers and radio tower signals, but they still leave you wondering, "why should I care?" From the get go, it seems there are two major factions vying for power in the country. Depending on your choice, you can work for either side, although determining which faction runs a certain checkpoint or outpost seems unclear, short of locating a random faction poster pasted on the wall. Granted, to get close enough to find the poster, you'd probably get shot as you strolled up to the camp. Gunfights are well done, ala the AI used in Farcry. The opponents flank, take cover when the obviously don't know where you're firing from, team up to take a truck and mounted machine gun. The drivers are smart enough to give chase without running into obstacles and will rev up to run you over if they get the opportunity. Sometimes it feels the AI takes a little too much damage, considering most are wearing tee-shirts and shorts. Damage on your character is realistic, causing you to take bleed effects and limp if severely damaged. Using med-kits outside of a fight will restore your health to full, but in a fight, will only stop bleeding and restore one bar, forcing you to take cover and heal yourself intelligently. Much like the first Farcry game, you really cannot go in Rambo style as you don't take damage well at all. Tactics like shooting at propane tanks and starting grassfires to root out the enemy from cover can help give you a fighting chance. Guns jam, ammo can be scarce at times, and getting cornered is easy, providing tons of challenge. The mapping system leaves something to be desired. Key points are marked on your map, like where missions and safe houses are, but towns aren't listed by name, so when someones says, "go to town X," you're left wondering where it is. Also, the mapping system is zoned, when zoomed in, leaving you somewhat blind as to what's around the next bend until you've crossed that zone 'border.' What is cool though, is you view the map as if you were holding it in your hand, so you can still see where you're going and it's quick and easy to switch to when you get turned around. Carried weapons are limited to a single sidearm, rifle, and heavy weapon, adding weapon management to the mix. My current loadout is a .45, Bolt-Action scoped rifle, and a big 50-cal machinegun that drinks ammo. And I'm finding situations where this loadout doesn't really work well. Fortunately you can swap weapons with the downed soldiers or purchase more appropriate kit from the various weapons trainers (if you're in the neighborhood). Overall, it's a fun game. I'm enjoying it more than Crysis, as I felt too overpowered and never threatened in that one. Ubisoft went back to its Farcry roots and gave us a challenge again. The story doesn't really feel engaging, but that may just be my penchant for picking a side that feels like the good guys; in this civil war theme, it just seems like the two sides are unorganized thugs. Still enjoyable to play for a FPS buff who enjoys a straight-forward shooter edited for modern tastes with added realism content. (Comment on this)
10:10 am	No Part Two Yet Haven't been able to get a hold of the old Cali chummer yet. Will keep trying. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
2:57 pm	Christmas Off to the grandparents house for the usual romp of killer lasagna and tournaments of table-top ping-pong. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! And Chedda...part two isn't here yet. Spaced kicks ass, and now Lil agrees. Current Music: Bill Bailey's - Part Troll (Comment on this)
Monday, December 1st, 2008
3:29 pm	Long Lost....Part One Found an old friend's sister on Facebook the other night. I was experiencing another moment of homesickness so I went dredging google.com, facebook and myspace looking for familiar names. Took her a few days and she came back with a "hullo" and phone number for me to reach my buddy. Called and left a message on his home phone, realizing halfway through the call that the time difference made it about 1:30-2:00pm his time; prob still at work. Browsed his sister's photos on her facebook and saw aged, yet familiar pictures of their family. Brought a tear to my eye to see everyone happy and healthy :) So now I await with bated breath to hear the phone ring. If only I could track Mr. Thornton now, then the circle would be complete. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 22nd, 2008
5:34 am	Watching and Waiting My current project is moving a ton of data off of old optical discs, both CD, and DVD, onto my external drive, and sorting through what junk I do and don't need anymore. Maybe I can get these miscellaneous stacks and spindles into the trash and down to handful that I can stick in page sleeves. I never realized how inefficient my backup methods were (are?) as I'm finding TONS of duplicate data. Hrmmm, maybe not inefficient, maybe redundant? Perspectives I guess. New Watchmen and Star Trek trailers; Watchmen is looking good, Star Trek is looking....flashy. Too flashy...I hope this doesn't become a bastardization like that pile of parrot droppings released a few years back Really enjoyed Fallout 3. The recent Zero Punctuation nailed it on the head, of it, "feeling like Oblivion, with guns." Highly entertaining, although I'm afraid the replay value has gone away for me, because I was quite thorough my first run through, and explored just about every square inch of the map, before even getting to the middle of the main quest. I only rolled a bad guy char (sparing everyone spoilers) to do that cool thing you saw in all the trailers. A bit homesick. Found my old next door neighbor buddy on Facebook, shot him a note of "hullo!" Tried finding two other buddies from back home; one's missing outright and I couldn't find his family. The other I found his eldest sister, again on Facebook, so I sent her a message asking for contact details, we'll see if she gets the note. And finally, the best part. I was offered my full-time position at work. That's right, no more contract work for me! My first day is the 24th (monday) and I'll have an orientation sit in that afternoon/eveningish. Very very excited! I'm loving my job as it's challenging, 98% of the customer base are friendly and fun to work with, and my days just glide on by! I'm liking being out of "training mode," for the most part. I ask questions when I need to, but am generally becoming self-sufficient, and only really needing support when we hit those grey-area moments where the documentation may not cover what-to-do. And I sense the respect I'm getting (it's a Jedi thing), for my diligence and hard work, which I appreciate very much. Canst one loveth thine job? Methinks yes! (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 7th, 2008
4:43 am	Ugh and HA! "Woke up this morning, they let me know you were gone...." Wait. That's James Taylor. Woke up this morning with my head hurting and a lump in my throat. For about a week, I've had this, what I can only describe as a taste or flavour, if you will, of what I remember from when I had strep throat 6-7 years ago. It's an odd description, but it's the best way I can put it. During the week, I thought it odd, but didn't put any more stock into aside from drinking water, staying hydrated, and not focusing on being sick. This morning is different. In the back of my throat, I feel this painful lump that is sore when I swallow. My head feels thick. Called into my supervisor at 3:00am, which I'll give him credit for sounding rather alert for such an early morning call. I feel bad cause I'm one of the opening techs, supposed to be there at 4:30am, which means they'll be a man down. Managed to shoot off an email to the appropriate people to cover my tickets in the meantime. God I hate calling out. So I'm gonna head down to our Green Mountain doctor first thing this morning. Their website doesn't display their hours, so I'll call around 7:00am or so. I'm not one to overreact to a head cold, but this one feels different. The lump in my throat feels more than a common sore throat and feels easily grape sized. It's sitting on one side of my throat, I suppose my right side, if I were to give it a location. Unfortunately I can't SEE it in the mirror cause it's too far back in. Well see what the doc says. K, so happy news last. Went and saw Pablo Francsisco live last saturday at the Improv in Northlands. My face hurt so bad after the show from all the laughing. I was impressed to see that he kept his skit fresh, despite having a set of schticks that he contantly has to rehash on late shows and Comedy Central specials. His first opener was very good, although I've forgotten his name :( The 2nd opener's act fell a little short of the mark, I think some of his jokes were too pointed at demographic humour, instead of universal humour. All in all though, it was a fun night with Lil, her brudda an' seesta. Lastly, I was offered a promotion at work. They're bringing me on full-time as early as November 23. No contract for me, no sir-eee. After I received the news, I tried to walk to my car, instead of skipping and frolicking down the concrete path to the parking lot. Just waiting for my HR papers to come in so I can start filling em out early. Actually, more good news. The Chief, from my last company, has resettled comfortably in Salt Lake and has started with his new job. Spoke with him yesterday and he sounds as happy as a clam, or Meretrix meretrix if you prefer. Glad to hear he's moved on. If anyone is looking for a home in Aurora, CO, drop me a line, I know he's still trying to sell his. Any other good news.... Ah yes, my wife is still beautiful, my parents are healthy, my dog barks and sneezes on me when he sits next to me in bed, Grey's Anatomy has Kevin McKidd on it (and he kicks ass), and we have a new president! Good times! (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 1st, 2008
7:44 am	The Killing Joke Click on the thumbnails to enlarge A plan months in the making, boiling downwards in a spiral of madness and bad jokes. Practicing the Dark KnightJoker's voice and mannerisms, such as gesturing and licking my lips during conversation, came down to a long day of fun. Started at 3:00am, ended at 2:00am, with a brief respite after work. I was receiving numerous complements at work, even creeping people out a bit by the scars bit. One of my coworkers made a joke over our intranet chat system about "looking out for the creepy guy in the purple jacket;" I walked over to his desk and offered to show him a Magic Trick with a pencil by slamming it headfirst onto his desk. Found it was hard to open my mouth with the prosthetics on, so at lunch I had to take off the wig and scars just to eat. Went home, rested for a bit; I knew we were going to be out late, well past my 8:00pm bedtime. Headed over to Pr!vatePart's house, met up with his neighbor buddy, Rage and his girl. It was mostly a couple's night, with Pr!vateParts and his wife going as Jack Skellington (in his Santa suit) and Sally (I got to draw the scars all over T's arms and face which was cool), Rage and his girl went as Gomez and Morticia, and Lili and myself as Harley Quinn and the Joker. I regret the fact that I did not get a group shot of all of us; we all had a big laugh at Rage shaving his thick goatee, leaving just a bushy mustache; think the getups the Beastie Boys wore in the Sabotage video. Downtown, I was almost a celebrity. I was stopped by multiple people asking to take pictures with me. Kids stared, parents clapped. I saw a handful of other Jokers walking the streets and we were like a fraternity of jovial madmen; when we'd see each other, we'd nod to each other, an almost secret greeting amongst fellow agents of chaos. At one of the places we stopped, there was a Batman and Two-face which was just perfect. We all sort of gathered around, knowing that we'd be fools to not take a group shot. Lili was in one of the group shots, but I think our camera didn't get the pic, cause I only have the one above with just 3 of us. Other notable costumes was a homemade Oscar the Grouch, where the bottom of the trashcan was cut out so he could walk around, and the head was made out of some green fake-kashmir material, and he had all sorts of things he kept in the can that he would toss out at people. There was a homemade Borg with prosthetics used to make the tubes looks like they dug into his flesh. The Cobra Commander from G.I. Joe was cool as well. And there were too many Sarah Palin's walking around....*shudders*....just too creepy. All in all it was a hit. Ran off of pure caffeine all evening and didn't even realize it was midnight when we had decided to leave, which was perfect timing because we barely made the last train out of downtown. Current Mood: awake Current Music: Beastie Boys - Sabotage (Comment on this)